The world of estates litigation is certainly not boring. Sometimes it’s even about the money.

 

There are psychologists who provide a valuable service in trying to help families work through issues relating to inheritances. These kinds of issues often bring to the fore other issues that have been simmering for a while: why was one child chosen to be in the family business and another not; why one child got other advantages over a period of a lifetime; did one child plot to get on the good side of a parent to do better in the will?

 

It’s probably not possible to prevent intra-family disputes, and it’s not the lawyer’s task to become a substitute parent. It seems clear, however, that some of these problems are preventable. The prevention that can avoid them must be undertaken by the parents while they are still here. Sometimes that’s difficult to accomplish, because parents do not always want to share with their children their reasons for decisions made regarding the children and business interests. In addition, some parents are simply reluctant to discuss finances with their children. They may find it easier to say nothing and hope the children work things out. Like Scarlett O’Hara, they prefer to think about these things tomorrow.

 

As a number of commentators have suggested, it’s much better to discuss these issues openly, while the parents are able to explain the choices they have made. It’s probably also advisable to tell children how much they have and what their plans are for spending, saving and passing it on. It’s not easy to do that, and many parents will have kept their finances mostly secret from their children. But in many cases the result is the opposite of what the parents intended: money doesn’t make people happy or comfortable; it makes them crazy. So lawyers advising the parents would be well-advised to suggest disclosure to the children. The reaction might cause the parents to change their plans, perhaps in a way that attempts to head off trouble. In some situations, a family conference might be appropriate, and maybe such conferences should be held more than once. If talking through the problems or concerns among the family members doesn’t work, it might be time to call in a professional counselor.

 

As some philosopher, or at least a smart guy, said, not having money can make you miserable, but the opposite isn’t necessarily so: a lot of money won’t guarantee happiness. But at least talking it through can avoid some family disputes that end up in court.

(reprinted by permission of the Legal Intelligencer)